Why Men Lead With Sex

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The following fun/funny conversation took place on Facebook between myself, a friend, and her friend. Names have been changed.

Nicki
Oh my lord. I am thinking I need to start a photo album of screen shots from the best of my Tinder adventures. This is great.

Becca
Hahah. Girl I know exactly what you mean.

Nicki
This one guy is a total danger with words I’m like what are you? Christian Grey wannabe? “I bet you taste like my favorite flavor.” I’m like what the hell is this guy doing categorizing women by flavors?!? Am I a stripper with edible underwear?

Becca
I haven’t been in a long time….. It’s I get annoyed by the guys just wanting a hook up.
Hahah next he’ll send a dick pic. Don’t give him your number.

Nicki
He is not sending me a dick pic. I never get those. Ever. I’m not that kind of girl you just send a dick pic to.  Just lots of ogling comments over eyes and smile. Come on…

Becca
Ya. I’m done with the dating sites. I figured if I’m going to date someone, I’ll find him in person. Tinder is more comical than anything to me.

Nicki
It really is especially when you haven’t been on it in well over a year. Man it’s HOlarious.

Matt
Men feel acceptance through sex, they think they want the orgasm, but it’s more than that. They crave physical touch from women, they often go days, weeks, months, even years without it.

Nicki
Really. Interesting.

Matt
Yeah, I don’t think women really understand that. You are all so physical with each other all the time and think nothing of it. It’s not that way for men at all. They want the physical because it’s what they’re most deprived of.

Nicki
Well I have an ex who we always talked about it and realized we could totally host a talk show or a TV show like Loveline because we were so open and honest about everything relating to sex and intimacy. One thing I did notice about him was he was in tune with how emotional sex actually is for men.

Matt
Yes, it’s literally the only time a man can open himself up that way. Most of the rest of his life he’s being shut down by women in one way or another. Just think of all the times you’ve shut men down. He’s likely dealt with thousands of rejections in different forms, shapes and sizes. No wonder they come off desperate, they are, but more for the connection and the acceptance than the actual sex.

Nicki
I’m like “does this guy just say this emo stuff at night because he knows most men don’t or does he actually mean it?” No he meant it but he also knew most men are guarded about that stuff bc women freak the hell out too much.

Matt
Yup. Women will overthink a lot of it. Sometimes I just wanted to vent and be heard and a gf would take it completely the wrong way and all hell would break loose.

Nicki
And he’s so reading this also. But I am glad I dated him because it did make me more open with how I talk to men about that stuff and it’s resulted in better intimacy moving forward.

Matt
I’m willing to bet that if you (or women in general) spoke more openly to men who come off looking for “sex”, that you’d get them to open up more and reveal their softer sides to you, long before any sex actually happens.

Nicki
100% true. If they came looking for sex they forget that they came looking for sex bc I am so straightforward.

Matt
Why do you think guys are willing to “settle” for handjobs? They are still opening themselves up to a woman.

Nicki
Omg is this convo really taking a turn for that A handie lol


Of course, men would never admit to needing emotional connection and they try to pursue through sex. Why? Because most men don’t even comprehend this about themselves, and how could they possibly articulate it if they lack the self-awareness?

~M

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