Posted by : Matt Adams | October 25, 2014
In Part 1 I started telling you my story of life with an obsessive ex. In Part 2 I discussed the motivation, denial of the breakup and the triggers for obsessive ex’s behavior. In Part 3 I discuss how people judge someone with an obsessive ex, the emotions that someone with an obsessive ex deals with, how you can begin to break free of being stalked, and the six stages of an obsessive ex.
In Part 4 here, I reveal my motivation for writing these articles, 3 crazy stories about her, 3 things you’re doing to keep your crazy ex around, and how to take action against your crazy ex.
As I started writing these articles, I began to wonder if my crazy ex will always stalk me. Of all the research I’ve done on this, I haven’t read anything about when stalkers actually cease their stalking.
She’ll probably always try to find me on the internet. She’ll probably always drive past my house hoping to get a glimpse of me, even though I live 45 minutes away from her. She’ll probably always cast black magic spells on my doorstep, and on me and my family. (I’m not even kidding here.)
So hey, if she ever reads this, and I’m sure she will because she’s really nosy and stalks me online, just know that we’ll never get back together. Ever. EVER. Never, ever, ever, EVER. NEVER.
MY MOTIVATION FOR WRITING THESE ARTICLES
My Main Motivation For Writing These Articles
At the time that I started writing this series (about two and a half years ago), my crazy ex had contacted the mother of my children trying to stir up trouble again. Apparently the crazy ex had gone through and emailed a bunch of female members of my Meetup group until she found one that I had dated. From there she elicited the details. Truth be told, it was only someone I had talked to once, but that didn’t matter. She emailed the mother of my children, anonymously of course, she could never do that above the level, and tried to stir up trouble.
Do you know what/who he’s doing? she started… I do… she continued, and she shared nothing more than details that the mother of my children already knew. I’m not sure what she was hoping to accomplish or what she was looking for. Did she want to stir up trouble? Was she trying to stress her out? I know she hated the fact that I had children with her, and she wished I never had children at all. She told me that once. She said “I wish you never had children with her! That’s what keeps you going back to her and keeps you away from me!“
My reason for writing these articles was to flush her out of my group and to let the members of my group know what was going on. In part 3 you read the ridiculous responses I got from some of them. I had had enough of existing with this in the shadows. After years of being silent about this and about her, she had to know I would go on the offensive. And it was the right move, because after that she seemed to move on, which I’ll reveal in the shocking conclusion to this series in the next part.
My Second Motivation For Writing These Articles
I knew there were other people out there that could benefit from these articles, and from the experiences I had gone through, was continuing to go through, and was about to go through when I was going on the offensive. I figured if my journey was documented, others could benefit from it. And you know what? Many people have…
I have received comments and messages from people literally all over the world, and I take the time to talk to everyone who comments. Sometimes I help them stop their stalker ex, sometimes I talk to them and let them know they aren’t alone, and other times I even help them develop an escape plan from dangerous situations. At this point, the time and effort I put into these articles has been worth it to be able to have helped those that needed it.
MORE CRAZY STORIES FROM THE VAULT
I’ve been getting a lot of comments and emails on these articles. A lot of you have had very positive things to say and have even shared your stories with me. I realized that I haven’t shared a lot of my own experiences with my crazy psycho ex. And so, after a year and a half sitting in my draft box, and after the events of the past month (which I will cover in the final shocking sixth part of this series), I am back with Life With A Crazy Psycho Obsessive Stalker Ex – Part 4.
I want to share some of the behaviors that I endured/put up with/survived during the two and a half years we were a couple because, as you’ll find out in the shocking conclusion, the truth needs to be out there. It’s important to me that it is. It’s important to me that the world remember her for what she really was, and not for what she pretended to be.
Horror Story #1:
Imagine meting someone, dating and falling in love with them, and moving in with them. You know who they are by that point, don’t you? What if one day, say about 4 months into your relationship, you found out that the name they gave you wasn’t their real name? How would you feel?
That’s exactly what happened to me. I spotted her license one day in the bathroom where she always put it when she took it off from around her neck, and I was like “Hey! I’ll finally get to see her license picture that she’s been avoiding showing me!” Only… When I picked it up, I was shocked cold. The name on her license wasn’t at all what she told me it was. It was completely different, first and last!
When I confronted her about this, she acted in a few different ways. First she was mad because I “violated her privacy”. Excuse me, WHAT?! You lied to me on such a grievous level but you’re the victim?! How is that?! Then of course I was livid, and so she changed her tone (more about this in the next paragraph). She then started to tell me about how her aunt had changed her name, as did several other members of her family and how it was her “culture”. Again… Excuse me, what? I’m not stupid but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a culture where people make up names to tell the world that’s who they are. After that she started to cry and again acted like I was in the wrong and act like the victim.
As I look back on it, I really do wonder if she had a serious mental problem or she was a manipulative genius (she did show me papers proving she was in MENSA). She had this pattern of acting in different ways until she got a response from me that she could deal with. Having several different reactions from her confused me, so by the time I heard one I could live with, I was willing to settle for it.
Horror Story #2:
Right after we moved in together, she lost her job. Apparently she hadn’t paid any taxes and the IRS was now docking her checks, taking most if not all of it. I don’t know if she quit or they fired her, but she said things like “I’m not working for free!” and “They can’t let the IRS take my money without my permission!”
So never the less, she needed to find a new job. One day she was out trying to get to or come home from a job interview when a cop spotted her expired sticker and attempted to pull her over. I say attempted because, well, I guess you need the backstory…
She had this expired sticker for a while and had been pulled over and/or ticketed at least 3 times for it so far. I kept telling her to get it taken care of and she never did. She would just say “The next time the cops try to pull me over I’m just going to keep going!” Uhm.. I’m pretty sure you can’t do that, you have to stop for them!
Well, I know you can see where this is going. She didn’t stop. It took 7-8 cop cars to block her in after a low speed chase through the city. When they finally did get her boxed in, she rolled up the windows and locked herself inside. A female cop had to be called to the scene to get her to come out of the car.
Eventually she persuaded her out of the car, handcuffed her and put her in the back of a police car. While she was back there, she had apparently been so angry that she snapped the chain on the handcuffs, simply by pulling her hands apart as hard as she could. Imagine a girl, 5 foot 4, 100 pounds soaking wet, snapping a pair of handcuffs like that. The cops told me they’d never seen anyone break a pair of handcuffs like that, not even the big bad burly guys. Needless to say, they needed to get a new pair of handcuffs for her.
I left work to bail her out that day, embarrassing myself when I had to give a reason and needing a mutual friend to pick me up and drive me there. She ended up in court a few days later and needed to pay thousands of dollars in fines and she had been given 2 years probation.
Horror Story #3:
One night we were out working on a project and had about $25,000 of video equipment with us that I borrowed from a public access TV station I was a member of. She asked me if I was still in love with her. Being honest (or rather, stupid…), I told her no, I wasn’t. She got pissed and I told her we’d talk about it when we got home later that night.
Well, she proceeded to drink 5 beers as fast as she could (alcoholic coping mechanism) and get in her car (the same one I needed to get all of the equipment back) and drive off into the night, leaving me stranded there. I admit I brought being stranded there on myself, and we’re still also talking about a woman who was now drunk driving while she was still on probation.
Thankfully, I happened to be acquainted with one of the guys working security for the club that night. After everyone left, we moved all of the video equipment outside because he had to lock the venue. Then we needed to leave it there unattended while we went off looking for her.
Eventually we found her, and I drove her car back, loaded up the equipment and started to drive home. That’s when things went from bad to worse.
While I was on the highway driving, she called her mother who was hours away (and keep in mind the time is now after 3 AM) and started talking to her, yelling and screaming. Eventually the mother call me on my phone. Stupidly, I answered.
While I was busy yelling and screaming at her about what I’d just been through, the crazy ex decided to call the police in the town where the mother of my children lived, and tell them that someone at the house where they all lived was getting murdered. And of course the cops can hear me screaming in the back ground.
I knew she was on the phone, but I didn’t really know who she was talking to or what she was doing until about a week later when the mother of my children told me that cops burst into the house in the middle of this night and scared the shit out of her. They ran through the house looking and looking for this murder that wasn’t happening.
I confronted the crazy stalker ex about this. At first she denied it, but eventually she told me that she was trying to kill her because she wanted her out of the picture (the mother had just been to the doctors and an aneurysm was discovered at the base of her skull that could rupture and kill her at any time, she has since had it drained and it’s been years since it has been an issue).
And like an idiot, I stayed with the crazy ex…
3 THINGS YOU’RE DOING TO KEEP YOUR CRAZY EX AROUND
We can’t control the actions of others and we can’t change them, but what we can do is change our actions and change ourselves, and ultimately this will cause others to change in the way they act towards us.
1. Keeping The Line Of Communication Open
This is the single worst thing you can do, as it sends the wrong message to your ex. It gives them some false hope that they will reconcile with you. Cut off all communication as soon as you can. Do not read Facebook their messages or texts, especially when they can see if you’re read them or not. Do not reply to any other forms of contact either, the less you hear from and talk to them the better.
2. Endlessly Forgiving Them
I was certainly guilty of this one. Whatever has happened, you constantly forgive them and think that they won’t do it again because you’ve told them how it makes you feel, or that you understand why they did something, or even that you are to blame for what happened. You must stop making excuses and you must stop forgiving bad behavior. I know it can be scary to think about changing your entire situation to get this person out of your life, but there is help out there if you look, and in order to fly, you need to make a leap of faith.
3. Holding On To Their Possessions
You may think you have a justifiable reason for doing this, perhaps your ex owes you money or they have your possessions and you want to trade. What you don’t realize is that you are keeping a connection to them. More often than not you are doing this because you aren’t willing to release your own pain over the loss, and you are holding on to your own loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and powerlessness over your ex’s decision to leave the relationship. These are emotions that you can learn to release if you wish, and they don’t take all that long to let go of. Return all of their possessions as soon as you can, without any expectation of getting your own back and be willing to lose all of your stuff. Not being willing to lose your stuff is what keeps you holding on to your ex. Let ti go. It’s just stuff. You can acquire it all again.
There are other ways to keep crazy ex’s around, but you must accept responsibility for your part of the problem and you must let go of what you can and move on.
HOW TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST YOUR EX
Though specific steps are outlined in part 3, you might need a contingency plan to escape from your current situation.
WARNING: If your life is in immediate danger, go to a safe place ASAP.
– The first thing you need to do is overcome your fear of your stalker ex. You have to take action even though you are afraid. Let go of your negative thoughts and think about what it’s like to live a normal life again.
– Your most important step in taking action against your ex is to develop a plan. Each person who reads this will be in a different place and need a different plan, but if you need to get out of your situation, you’ll need a place to go. If you’re being harassed from afar, you need to start going on the offensive. Wherever you are in the process, start making your plan right now.
– Once you know what your steps are going to be, you need to set out to accomplish them. Recruit as many friends and family members as you canto support you. Find one person you trust to be your accountability partner and tell that person to stay on you about moving your plan forward.
– Don’t give up, STAY THE COURSE! Whatever you do, keep moving forward with your plan. Do not relent.
– If at any time you are in danger of being harmed, shoot to kill and then call the police. Your life is your responsibility, no on else’s. Response times are too long, the police are not obligated to save your life and there are court cases that prove it.
There are so many more stories I could go into but I won’t. If you’re reading this, you probably have your own. The reason I shared mine is because at this point in time, it is cathartic for me. Please share your stories too, and let that be a way for you to release some of the pain, shame, anger, and other negative feelings you’ve been holding onto for so long.
While I was about to write this paragraph, there was a really loud banging on our front door. I went to check and there was no one there. Very weird…
As I was saying, I will reveal in part 6 why exactly I needed to write this part and why exactly it was cathartic for me, as well as what I thought the banging was. (My son is still saying how weird it was, but I know what it is, and why it happened now, as I am about to publish this article.
COMING UP IN PART 5:
It’s hard to believe, but there’s still more to talk about.
– How To Let Go Of Your Stalker Ex
– The 3 Reasons Why Obsessive Ex’s Stalk
– 10 Ways To Take Action Against A Stalker
– How To Collect Documentation
– Dealing With Police & Courts
COMING UP IN THE FINAL INSTALLMENT:
– It’s Time For You To WAKE UP!!!
– Conversation With A Woman In Fear For Her Life
– Protecting Yourself & Your Home
– The Shocking Conclusion To My Story!
– What Will You Take Away From These Articles?
They’re all coming up in the 2 final installments about obsessive ex’s. Make sure you read them!
P.S. If you’ve found this article helpful and/or informative please Comment, Tweet, Like, and +1 below.
UPDATE: More and more people are finding and reading these articles and are contacting me asking for help, so I have decided to start a private Facebook group for people who would like to vent, ask for help, connect with others, learn how to fight back, share their stories, and whatever else will contribute to others. To join the group, send me a friend request and a message on Facebook, (DO BOTH! I can’t add you to the group if we’re not friends because it’s a secret group and I won’t know why you’re sending a friend request if you don’t send a message too! DO BOTH!!!), and I will add you.