Posted by : Matt Adams | April 27, 2013
There are two approaches you can take to meeting women during the day.
1. Go for a lot of phone numbers,
2. Go for strong connections.
Neither way is wrong*, it just comes down to preference.
Let’s say you prefer to go for a lot of phone numbers.
You should be getting 20-30+ phone numbers a week if you’re going to pull this approach off successfully. It’s a numbers game, and you need leads if you’re going to have results. Your time should be spent having quick, fun and flirty conversations and you should be getting a woman’s phone number within 5-10 minutes.
There are a couple of ways I get more solid numbers when using this method. One is to suggest a “date” (get together for coffee to get to know each other more) and then put the ball in her court to see if she really wants to do that, or if she’s just trying to be polite because she doesn’t know how to handle you standing there asking for her number and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by rejecting you flat out. So ask her if she’s open to getting coffee and let her respond.
If she says yes, you can challenge the yes by asking if she’s saying yes because she’ll actually show up, or if she’s just being polite. Tell her it won’t hurt your feelings if she declines. Putting a woman on the spot like this will weed out the ones who won’t show up ahead of time, and helps you to learn the difference between when a woman actually likes you and when you’re confusing her attention for attraction.
You’ll also need to weed through the phone numbers and invest time into having some text conversations. If you find that women aren’t responding, then they weren’t all that interested to begin with. Keep talking to the women who text you back.
Now let’s say you prefer going for connections.
You should be getting at least 3-5 instant dates a week (an instant date is when you meet a woman during the day and you immediately do some activity after talking with her for a few minutes) if you’re going to pull this method off successfully. It’s a connection game, and you need time to build that connection properly if you’re going to have results. Your time should be spent having deep, meaningful conversations – with a slight touch of flirty-ness to them – that last anywhere from half an hour to two hours, and you should be setting up the next date before you part ways.
Getting a woman’s phone number is just a by-product of this approach, not a goal. I ask the same question about really wanting to get together and put the ball in her court. This approach will give you feedback on your connection skills, and if your instant dates don’t last 30 or more minutes, you will need to build your skill set to make better connections.
A great way to end an instant date and find out if you built a great connection is to go for a kiss on the lips and see how she reacts. You won’t always connect, and you don’t need to, but when you do, you know she’s interested. Sometimes she’s interested but won’t kiss you, so just wait for next time. I personally like to go in for the kiss, get real close to her lips just to show her that I [i]could[/i] kiss her, without actually kissing her. This builds more tension and will leave her thinking about what that first kiss is going to be like.
* I see these two approaches as a measure of personal growth. Once you start getting phone numbers from women, it can feel pretty good, but it can also be a trap, as building a connection is perceived to be harder – it’s not, it’s just a different skill – and you naturally won’t want to leave your comfort zone. Getting phone numbers is good, but you’ll still need to build connections and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can get to work on it.
My preferred approach is to build connections. I actually enjoy meeting a new woman and building that connection with her. That is a reward in and of itself.